Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Her first time :)

I honestly don't know if I am posting this for the ladies or the men, but damn it is funny. Funny and true. And a little evil. And funny :)

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Growing up

I have been a vegetarian since January 1998 (I almost forgot how to write a year that doesn't begin with "20" for a second there!) which is a hell of a long time, relatively speaking.  But it wasn't until recently that I really felt like I hit my stride.

Most vegetarians take the opportunity to try a ton of new foods in order to get variety and more nutrients into their diet.  I didn't so much.  I mean, I did - I added soy products (both "pre-fab" and tofu) and discovered lentils and beans and such.  But other than that, my main ingredients didn't change all that much from what I had as a kid.  I still loved my pasta and white rice (ok - I am past white rice and into basmati, but that isn't much of a stretch) and bananas and apples.  Plain old staples ruled my diet for many years after becoming a vegetarian.  I have flirted with veganism and even went back to eating meat for a few months (which didn't work out so well cause it still grossed me out mostly - it was a passing phase based on great turmoil in my life).  But ultimately, I still love my basics.  Until recently, that is.  Currently the ratio of foods in my fridge is about 60:40 foods that I am new to : old staples.  Kale, leeks, quinoa, shallots (instead of plain old onions), scapes, cantaloupe (which I never really liked up until recently), collards, rapini, edamame, new oils and vinegars ... all things that I have "discovered" recently.  Even such simple things as fresh lemon and lime - I had always used the bottled lemon juice and almost never used lime.

And things that I used to love are no longer as delicious as I used to think; pre-fab salad dressing is no longer, and I make my own.  Corn is pretty much gone from my diet as I don't really trust the fact that it is mostly GMO now.  Today I bought some organic frozen corn, but I am sure even that isn't non-GMO (but I will let it slide this time cause it was a crucial ingredient for an edamame-based salad).  Even bread isn't as much fun as it used to be.  Now I buy tortillas (the whole grain ones rule!) and wrap my sandwiches, usually with a drizzle of flaxseed oil for some extra omegas.

It was a gradual change, but it started once I was living by myself and really starting to grow into own personality.  I spend more time outside now than I have since I was a kid, thanks to the dogs, and have a wonderful farmer's tan to show for it.  Nowadays I am going to the gym too.  Not because I feel I have to, but because I want to.  Granted, it is still a little tough to haul my ass there, but at least I am doing it.

All these things have lead to an alarming trend:  I am peppier in the morning than ever before.  And today I woke up without an alarm.  Before 10AM!!!  Actually, it was closer to 8AM.

Dammit - I think I am growing up :)

Saturday, February 20, 2010

It's amazing how an epiphany hits you, isn't it?

I was reading Healthy Girl recently, and realized that this post could have been written about me. I have never not gone someplace because I was "fat", but I sure as hell have dressed in my frumpiest clothes so that I go unnoticed. Many times. Too many times.

The journey to overcome is not a short one, is it ...

L.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

No idea where this post is going to go

If you live in the Toronto area, odds are you have seen headlines like "Why 7 pedestrians have died in 7 days" or "Two more die on GTA streets". Normally I would read them and shake my head a little and wish that drivers and pedestrians could eventually learn to get along.

The problem right now is that one of the deaths happened half a block from my apartment. When I was walking the dog yesterday morning, I passed by the intersection where it happened about an hour after she died. I didn't mean to, but we walked our normal route and I saw the aftermath of the scene. Her body was gone by then, but the police and emergency crews were still there ... the bus that hit her was still there ... her jacket and shopping bag were still there. And suddenly it was all very real. I went home and I mourned her. I didn't know who it was then. I looked up some details online, but they were limited. For some reason, the jacket seemed familiar to me, and I could not figure out why, but I was concerned that it could have been someone in my building.

Tonight as I was out with the dog again, I ended up walking past the scene of the accident with an older neighbour of mine. She told me that she knew the lady who had been killed, and I was sad for her. Then I realized I knew her too. I didn't know her in the sense of friendship or even as an acquaintance: she worked at the local grocery store. I used to go to her line when I was there because she was always so calm and methodical when she rang groceries up. At first it used to drive me nuts because it would take at least half again the time for her to ring everything up that it would the other cashiers. Then I realized that she never seemed to be at all stressed or agitated, like the rest of us seem to be most of the time. In a really odd way, she reminded me to slow down and do just one thing at a time (not my forte). She was the definition of laconic when she was at work, but without seeming unfriendly. I would see her walking around the area (she lived up the street from her work and, as it turns out, from where she died). Small things like that make this area a community. You see people on a regular basis over time, and you start to feel a connection, however tenuous.

I just wish we could have protected her.

I don't know them, but my condolences go out to her family.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

2010 looks to be an interesting year

Consider this fair warning that there is a very real possibility that this blog will turn into a way of journalling my quest to get healthy. In the past I have made half-assed attempts at it, with limited success. I have lost weight, gained weight, tried running, tried gyms, tried DVDs at home, tried Weight Watchers, tried walking it off ... ok - you get the idea, although that list is not exhaustive (if it wasn't sad, it would be laughable how much I have tried). What I have NOT tried, is dealing with the reasons why I prefer to binge eat and sit on my duff instead of getting exercise. I have a pretty good idea of the "why", but that isn't enough. I have said it before, but it is worth saying again: I don't want to go the way my parents did. I either make changes now, or I risk that very problem.

So. I am embarking on what promises to be a shiteous journey of major changes.

I will need all the encouraging words I can get, so my request to anybody here is that if you don't have anything supportive to say, please don't comment. I know a lot of my friends will tell me that "you look great" or "you are being hard on yourself", but neither of those are true anymore. I may have a fabulous new hair colour, but I can't deny that my body has changed a lot in the last few years, and not for the better.

The only thing that I can guarantee is that the next few months are going to be hard, and I am not looking forward to the struggle ahead. That is probably a defeatist attitude, isn't it ... gonna have to work on that too, I guess.

Friday, January 8, 2010

What a way to start the year

You know those dating stories that you swear people must have made up? A lot of them are here.

Here is mine.

Kelly and I had emailed back and forth a bit on an online dating site in the weeks leading up to Christmas. Then I got busy and didn't reply for a while, but picked up again close to New Year's. On New Year's Day, we finally got to the fabled "phone conversation" stage. Woot! Or maybe not ....

The conversation itself was great. He was funny, we had common interests, live in the same area (like a less than 10 minute walk from my place) and so we seemed to get along really well. He asked if I wanted to be spontaneous and go out for a drink that night, so I said "ya - sure!". We then agreed that since we live so close to the pub he chose (remember that detail .... HE chose it), whoever left their apartment first would call the other, and we would meet at the same time.

I called him as I was leaving (which was about 3 or 4 hours after we talked, and 5 minutes before the agreed-upon meeting time) and I swear upon all that is good and holy, that it sounded like he didn't remember we were going out. But he recovered enough to say that he would be a bit late.

Strike 1 - lateness.

When he got there, he "didn't recognize you (i.e. me) with curly hair". Um. What???? I have had curly hair since BIRTH and do in my profile pic as well. Strike 2 - inattention to detail or just plain stupidness.

Strike 3 was that he looked NOTHING like his profile pic, which obviously was way outdated. WAY outdated.

Strike 4 was cause walking through the pub was like being with Norm from Cheers - he apparently knew everybody. Which is why he likes going there - I get it - but it is not really conducive to a first date. Why he could not have chosen a pub where he was not as well-known, I don't understand. Maybe it is a guy thing.

So, we sit down. I ordered a Rickard's White. He ordered a Budweiser. Automatic strike, so we are up to 5. (I am sorry, but who orders a Bud on a first date??? Bud should be relegated to tailgate parties, northern Ontario weddings and camping trips. Sheesh.)

We made polite chit-chat, but I had already decided that I would have a beer and be outta there. That is until we ended up in conversation with the table of 3 beside us. I'm still not 100% sure how that happened, except for the fact that one of the "hair of the dog" women thought she had bumped my chair or something. Either way, we ended up talking to them. For well over an hour. Basically, as soon as we started talking to them, I stopped worrying about trying to get along with my "date". Which was peachy, cause these two sisters and one of their boyfriends were freaking funny.

All was going well until the topic of movies came up. The single sister (as in not the sister with her boyfriend there) mentioned that she was really excited about smoking some pot and going to see the new Alice in Wonderland flick. Kelly was also very excited by this prospect, so HE GOT HER PHONE NUMBER. People, I shit you not. So, now we are up to strike 8 (6 was the pot smoking, 7 was the fact that his profile said he didn't do drugs so he lies, and 8 was the phone # thing).

I should have just up and left, but really I was having fun with these folks. Eventually I got bored, though, so I made an excuse and dropped a $20 on the table. More than my fair share of the bill, but I didn't want to wait for change. As I was leaving, it came out that it was our first date (the sisters were shocked, needless to say). I said my goodbyes to all, and Kelly pulled me over to ask if I was OK. The sad reality is that I had more fun with the strange table beside us than I knew I ever would with him. I assured him I was fine, and got the hell out of Dodge.

Eh - whatever. Live and learn, my friends. And what I learned is that if you don't take risks, you don't get anywhere. As far as I am concerned, that was a great way to ring in the first day of the new year.

Oh! But I did hear from him 2 days later. He still has no clue why I left. I guess that brings us up to strike 9 :)

Thursday, January 7, 2010

I have the smelling salts ready

You know ... in case you faint from the fact that I am posting an entry here. Cause I am faint with the thrill of posting, lemme tell ya.

It has been weeks, nay, months!! since I posted anything, for a variety of reasons that I won't bore you with. But mostly related to being very busy and more than a little .... off.

Mid last year, I made the decision (with my doctor - I am not an idiot) to go off all mood-related medications. This was a mixed-blessing sort of decision, because on the one hand there was a HUGE yay that I wasn't experiencing the redonkadonk side effects from the meds. On the other hand .... no meds. AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! Now, I am not a person who is off-the-wall, batshit insane without my meds. But I used to be (years ago). For a while there, I made LiLo look totally normal (except I didn't have all the skinniness, bisexualism and drug abuse). This time, once I went off the meds, I had a spell of dizzy like you would not believe. I could not walk more than a few meters without stumbling a bit. I was walking around like a drunk all freaking day. For weeks. Less than pleasant? Yes. Yes it was.

That's all over now, though. Now all I have to deal with is the fact that I don't know how to deal with the minor depression and everything. I was not born with coping mechanisms (like most of us are not), and I was not taught them. My parents were prone to "do as I say, not as I do", and it is a miracle that I am not more messed up than I am.

Where was I going with this? Oh ... right.

So. The point is that I have been trying to learn how to cope with everyday stress and stuff. I took on some volunteering (which I LOVE and have met some fan-freaking-tastic people) and am getting out a lot more than I used to, which is good for me. Holing up at home is bad for depression, so getting out is a good idea. So, I am getting out. A lot. Yay me!

BUT! Cause there is always a but. And my butt is expanding. Yeeaaaaah. Turns out that my main form of "coping" is to eat everything in my cupboards at one time. And sleeping. I luurrrve sleeping. While food and sleep are necessary parts of life, in excess they are unhealthy. I read recently that in order to break a bad habit, you have to replace it with a good one. Something about how the brain is wired and that you can't just STOP doing something if it is ingrained into your being. Overeating and sleeping in are hugely ingrained on my psyche. So the major question now is - what the hell do I replace overeating and oversleeping with???? I am never going to be able to solve the problem of my yo-yo waistline until I deal with the psychological aspect of the WHY I do things.

I have no idea why I suddenly decided to share. Maybe I am hoping that someone out there (all 3 of you who read this :P ) will have a suggestion that will help. Maybe I needed to vent. Or possibly I just missed blogging and finally felt up to trying it again. Who knows. It is entirely likely that you won't hear from me again for another 6 months and by then I will be all svelte and sleeping 7 hours a day. HAHAHAHA! I am so funny :)

Maybe tomorrow I will tell you about the date that I went on on New Year's Day. Cause there is no better way to start the year than a date that will go down in history .....